Do you have a big goal for the next year – or perhaps a three-year or five-year plan? You might have a whole bunch of goals, even if you don't call them that – perhaps ranging through things like:

新的一年即将来临，你有什么伟大的计划没？或是“三年飞跃”、“五年计划”之类的规划？你可能有着一大箩筐的目标等着实现，虽然你压根儿没有把它们当回事儿。

Lose weight 减肥

Make lots of money 赚钱

Get a promotion 升职

Study for a new qualification 进修

Stop reading for a moment, and think about some of the goals that are currently lodged in your mind – they might be things you've told yourself you "should" do, but you've not made much progress on them. You may want to write them down.

停！想一想，你现在脑子里忽闪而过的目标有哪些？这些目标也许你到目前为止还没什么进展可言，但你始终这样告戒自己：这些都是我“应该”要去实现的目标。不妨把它们写下来看看吧。

Whose goals are these?

这些目标究竟是谁的呀？

Perhaps that seems like a stupid question: obviously, they're your goals ... aren't they?

这么问也许听上去很可笑是吧？你的目标很明显是“你的”嘛！果真如此吗？

Unfortunately, there's a fair chance that some of "your" goals aren't really yours at all. They might belong to your parents, your friends, or even your society as a whole.

很遗憾地告诉你，事实很可能是这样的：“你的”有些雄心壮志并非出自你本人的真实意愿。它们或是来自你的父母、亲朋好友，或是源于社会大环境对你的影响。

Here's how other people's goals can become yours – and why you want to take control again.

以下就将告诉你别人的“雄心壮志”何以摇身一变成了你自己的，而你又为何心甘情愿地“被雄心壮志”。

1: Your Parents' (or Family's) Goals

目标来源之一：你的父母或家庭

Naturally enough, parents often have big hopes and dreams for their kids. They may have struggled through hardship and made sacrifices in order to support their children – and they might have ideas about what constitutes a "good" career or a valuable life.

父母通常总是望子成龙、望女成凤的，这也不难理解。为了支持自己的孩子上进，父母往往不辞辛苦，甚至不惜作出牺牲，只求孩子有出息。在父母的头脑中，也许早已为孩子勾勒出了一幅事业成功、生活美满的理想蓝图。

Parents (or other relatives) may impose goals by:

父母（或其他亲戚）可能通过以下这些方式把“人生目标”强加给孩子：

Insisting that a particular activity isn't worth pursuing because "there's no money in it" – perhaps art, writing or music

坚持认为诸如艺术、写作、音乐之类的职业是不值得作为人生目标去追求的，因为这类职业往往毫无“钱”途可言。

Focusing on certain qualifications and career paths – perhaps wanting their children to become doctors or lawyers

锁定一些特定的具有专业发展的职业推荐给自己的孩子——例如，父母会希望孩子将来成为一名医生或律师。

Encouraging a particular type of lifestyle by criticizing behavior that they consider "wrong"

通过鄙视或批评一些他们认为“错误”的行为，进而推崇另一种他们认可的生活方式。

Talking about the success of certain family members in terms of career, wealth, marriage, etc...

大力赞扬家族成员中那些在事业、财富、婚姻等方面卓有成就的人。

How to Change: Spend some time digging deep into your own goals. What do you really want for yourself? If you're pursuing a degree or career that you dislike, don't be afraid to change to something new. Your family may well turn out to be more supportive than you expect.

应对攻略：花一些时间，深究一下你真正想要实现的人生目标是什么。如果你现在正在攻读的学位或从事的行业并非你的心仪之选，那么就勇敢地去选择“新欢”吧。你的家人很可能比你想象中更乐于支持你的改变。

2: Your Friends' Goals

目标来源之二：你的亲朋好友

Among groups of friends, it's common for particular traits to spread. For instance, if your friends are all overweight, there's a good chance that you'll be overweight too.

物以类聚，人以群分。某些特点很可能会成为某一类群体中多数人共有的特质。例如：如果你周围的朋友都超重，那么你患肥胖的几率就会很大。

One recent and dismaying example of this trend is for breast enhancements, with women feeling pressured into following their friends into having surgery.

最近已有调查显示，这种“同化效应”在隆胸一族中尤为盛行，这多少让人有些无奈。女人们往往顶不住压力，纷纷加入到同伴的行列之中，挺进了外科手术室。

Your friends might not talk about their goals as such. But they probably have a set of things that they value – and it may be hard for you to identify your own values. For instance, if you work with colleagues who just care about the paycheck, you might find it tough to stick to what's important to you: doing a good job and playing a valuable role in society.

你的朋友也许很少会特别提及自己的生活目标，但一定有一些事情是他们认为非常重要的。而对你来说，要识别出哪些事是对你有意义的有时并非易事。举例来说，如果你与一群只介意薪水高低的同事共事，那么你会发现，要坚持你个体的价值取向：从事一份体面的工作或做一些对社会有意义的事，是相当困难的。

How to Change: Consider joining a group or club that relates to one (or more) of your goals. For instance, if you're starting up your own business but all your friends are traditionally-employed, you could look for small business networking opportunities in your area.

应对攻略：选择一个与你的某一个（或一些）价值观一致的群体加入。打比方说，你若正处于白手起家的创业阶段，而你身边所有的朋友都过着传统的打工生活，那么建议你通过网络寻找一些与你步调一致的知音分享创业过程的各种滋味。

3: Your Society's Goals

目标来源之三：社会影响

Family and friends aren't the only people whose goals you might have unwittingly adopted. Society as a whole can impose certain goals on you – ones that may not be what you want at all.

家庭和朋友并不是让你稀里糊涂地认同某些人生目标的因素。你所生活的社会也会在无形中“施加”给你某些目标，尽管这些目标很可能实非你所愿。

Big companies have an interest in making sure you think of certain things as important or even essential. They encourage you to adopt goals that mean purchasing their products. For instance, you might end up buying gym membership or diet products because you feel like you "should" get in shape – even though you're already pretty healthy.

大公司常常注重于同化消费者认同他们的一些理念。他们往往会鼓动消费者接受一些“目标”，而要实现这些“目标”即意味着要购买他们的产品。例如：因为感到自己“应该”保持体形，你于是去购买健身卡或膳食保健品，可事实上你明明健康美丽，根本无需这些产品。

If you find yourself thinking that's just the way it is or everyone knows that, try questioning your assumptions.

如果有，当你发现这不过是人尽皆知的营销把戏，那么你很有必要质疑一下自己最初的想法了。

Is it really better to buy a house, or would you be just as happy renting?

买房一定比租房更好么？

Will that new gadget/TV/game really enhance your life?

那个新到手的小玩意儿真的可以提升你的生活质量么？

Do you need a new car?

你是否真的需要一辆新车？

Do you and your spouse really want to have a pricey meal out on Valentines' day, or are you both just doing it because you feel like you should?

情人节当天，与爱侣一起外出共享一顿豪华晚餐究竟是出于甜蜜的愿望，还是你们都觉得只不过“应该”那么做而已呢？

Some of society's goals and priorities might well be in tune with your own. Others won't.

有些社会价值观或潮流取向是与你的生活目标合拍的，而另一些并非如此。

How to Change: Don't be afraid to be different! There are plenty of ways you can challenge the assumptions of society – that might mean living frugally, homeschooling your kids, avoiding designer labels, or whatever else you want to do.

应对攻略：别害怕成为“另类”！如果你发现自己并不认同某些社会惯例做法，你完全可以用自己的方式去生活。勤劳节俭地生活、在家个性化育儿、拒绝做的奴隶，不怕做不到，就怕你想不到。

You only have one life to live: your own. Don't waste years of it chasing other people's goals. Take the time to decide what you want, and go after it wholeheartedly.

生活是你“自己”的。不要辛苦了大半辈子结果却是在追求别人的人生目标。明确你究竟想要什么样的生活，然后全身心地在自己的跑道上行路去吧。