How does someone become a narcissist, or are they born that way?
自恋人格是怎样形成的呢？还是他们生来如此？
It depends, children, especially newborns, demand constant attention but that is a process of survival. Eventually, as they mature, they should learn that they are not the only ones on earth with valid needs. That is where patience, consideration, and other valuable social traits are developed.
看情况，小孩，特别是初生婴儿通常都需要持续的注意力，但那是求生本能。当他们逐渐成熟，会逐渐意识到自己不是世上的，这也正是耐心、为他人考虑和其他重要社会特征形成的时期。
In my personal opinion, I see two options a person can take. When there are parents who are extreme narcissists, they will tend to be inattentive to the emotional needs of their child. Those needs might get ignored, ridiculed, shamed, or attacked. In the end the child is hungry for love and attention. Having a love deficit may cause a child to do one of two things:
我个人认为，有两种可能性。当小孩的父母极为自恋时，他们可能无法意识到子女的情绪需求，这些需求可能被父母所忽略、嘲笑、羞辱、甚至是攻击。最终，孩子会极度渴望爱和注意力。这种缺乏爱的情况可能导致孩子的如下两种行为：
1) Become an actor in order to get the admiration and attention the child needs. The parents are not safe. They disdain showing neediness and pain. The parents live for appearances. The child is emotionally bleeding and trying to survive because of experiencing emotional neglect. As a result, the child cannot find safety in parents and thus starts to hide to survive. The child experiments with playing false impersonations. They soon find that they can manipulate their parents and others by acting. With this foundation, they embark on the path of wearing all kinds of disguises and masks in order to get anything they want, especially from persons who have love-hunger and seek to please to get it. They become incredibly selfish, unfeeling, and expert manipulators.
1)为了得到孩子所该得的赞美和注意力，而成为一名演员。没有安全感的父母，蔑视将需求和痛苦表现出来，为了表象而活着。孩子的情绪因此受到了严重的伤害，他们试图在被忽略之后存活，他们无法在家长那里得到安全感，所以开始隐藏自己来求得生存。他们通过虚拟的模仿来进行试验，很快发现他们能够通过演戏的方式来操纵父母和其他人。因此，他们开始戴上各种各样的伪装和面具，从而获取自己想要的，特别是从那些需求爱和寻找爱的人身上获取。他们变得极为自私、无情和会操纵别人。
2) Another way that extreme narcissists are created is by being brought up super-pampered. Being brought up without negative consequences for being selfish and hurtful creates a social monster. We call them brats, but this is “Brat-Supreme.” These individuals know little of respecting other’s personal boundaries. They believe they are gods… or God. Their Ego knows no bounds in grandiosity.
2)极度自恋的人也可能是由极度娇生惯养的父母所带大的。他们的成长过程中，从没有过由于自私或对别人造成伤害而带来的负面影响，因而成长为社交怪物。我们称呼他们为“小孩”，但他们实际上是超级小孩，完全不知道要尊重他人的个人界限，认为自己是上帝，其自我意识无边无界。
Do you think narcissism is something of a growing 21st century problem?
你认为在21世纪，自恋是否一个日渐突出的问题？
Yes, as a result of Baby Boomers/Hippie Generation wanting the best for their children, they have created children who feel entitled and who believe they deserve unreserved success without much difficulty.
是的，婴儿潮和嬉皮一代都希望子女拥有的东西，因此他们让孩子们感到自己有资格、而且相信自己会获得完全的成功----而且不用经历太大困难。
What are some everyday traits that might indicate someone is a narcissist? (Constant Facebook updates? Attention seeking?)
有哪些日常特征可能意味着自恋人格呢？（如持续的Facebook更新？对注意力的寻求？）
Some common traits that tend to show extreme narcissism can be incessant talk about self, exaggerating personal accomplishments, lack of empathy and sensitivity for others, public displays of grandiosity as in the case of social network media constantly displaying body, muscles, sex appeal, constantly talking about “self.”
展现极端自恋的日常特征包括不停地谈论自己、夸张个人成就、缺乏对他人的同理和敏感、夸张的公共展示，如在社交网络上经常展示个人身体、肌肉、性感、以及谈论“自我”。
Another form of narcissism is victimization. If narcissism were a coin, one side would be grandiosity (“I am bigger than you!”), while the other side is victimization (“I am better than you because I suffer more than you do.”). With victimization, a narcissist will insist that you do not know how hard he or she has it in life. This narcissist shames you for not taking care of them or taking up their cause.
另一种自恋的形式是受害者人格。自恋这枚硬币的一面是夸张（“我比你强”），另一面就是受害者人格（“我比你强，是因为我承受的比你多”）。具有受害者人格的自恋者坚持认为你并不了解他们人生中所经历的苦难，他们以你不照顾他们、或不支持他们的事业而羞辱你。
There can be narcissists on both sides of a cause or argument. A person can be a totally victimized narcissist about one side of a position or argument as well as the opposite. This can be true in the realms of politics (Conservatives vs. Liberals), morals about life choices (abortion vs. anti-abortion), or as simple as choosing what color to paint a wall. A skilled narcissist uses “suffering” as a device to get attention. Most persons fall for their trap because they have been made to feel insensitive and uncaring otherwise.
针对同一个事业或事情的两个方面，也都可能产生自恋。一个人可能对论点的一面完全产生受害型自恋，也可能对相反那面。在政治（保守派VS自由派），对生活选择的道德问题（堕胎VS反对堕胎），甚至是选择墙壁颜色的简单问题上，都是如此。熟练的自恋者用“受害”作为获得注意力的手段，而大多数人都会落入他们的陷阱，以避免自己显得冷漠和无情。
How can narcissistic behavior damage relationships (both romantic and platonic)?
自恋的行为如何损害关系（亲密和柏拉图式关系）？
Extreme narcissist create untold damage in relationships by using the goodwill and loving sacrifice and dedication of the other person much like a Spider sucks the life-juices from a victim. The Spider ignores the carcass when it offers no more sustenance. Another metaphor is that extreme narcissists are relational vampires. They take your blood until you have none left. They destroy you. They will make you think they “really” care for you when, in reality, they are using you and taking from you. They return very little to your emotional health. Because they are scared to death of you finding out how weak and hurting they are in their inside, they freak out and panic when you get too close. In such cases they disappear or withdraw.
极端自恋的人通过好意、对另一个人的牺牲和风险在关系中造成难以言说的伤害，就像蜘蛛从牺牲者身上中吸取生命的果汁。当牺牲者再不能提供果汁时，蜘蛛将无视这个尸体。另一个比喻是认为极端自恋者就如同关系里的吸血鬼一样，他们将你的血complete吸走，毁灭掉你。他们会让你认为他们真的是关心你，但实际上他们只是利用你和从你身上不断地索取。他们对你并无情感健康的回报。他们太害怕你发现他们内心的软弱和伤痕，因此你稍微靠近，他们就会抓狂和惊恐，而且经常以消失或撤退收场。
They often do not return calls. In this process they can also make you feel like you are the culprit and a bad person to make you feel guilty and deflect your interest in entering their soul. A narcissist is never wrong… because he is God. You, however, are always wrong, according to the narcissist. As a therapist I have found that many women who have love deficits fall for the traps of narcissists. They have Yo-Yo and Bi-Polar relationships with these men. It is nerve racking. The men use calculated tenderness, expert guilt-tripping and simple abuse to wear down a good woman. In the end, they destroy her, leaving an emotional disaster behind. He then goes on the prey for the next fool, never believing he ever did anything wrong.
他们不会回复你的电话。这一过程中，他们依然会让你感到自己是坏人，会产生负罪感，而且会歪曲你试图进入他们灵魂的兴趣。自恋者从不犯错。。。因为他是上帝。而对他来说，你永远都是错的。作为一个心理医生，我常常看到很多对爱有缺陷的女性落入自恋者的陷阱中。她们与这些男人的关系反覆而极端。这完全是精神折磨，男人用算计好的温柔、导师式的负罪感植入和初级的虐待使一个好女人渐渐被磨损。，他们毁掉她，留一个情感的灾难在身后，继续寻找下一个傻瓜，而不认为自己做了任何错事。
How can narcissistic behavior be damaging in the workplace?
自恋行为如何在工作场所造成危害？
Narcissists in the workplace are mostly seen in ego-centric bosses. Behind their backs, the employees call them “?ss-holes.” They are hated and employees do the minimum to please them. If an employee is more gifted than the boss, he must be careful. Narcissistic bosses feel threatened by persons who are better than they are and who can steal the glory from them. Extreme narcissists are extremely insecure. As long as an employee can make the narcissistic boss look good then they are “needed” and an indispensable part of the team… his team. The moment a narcissistic boss feels threatened or has taken all credit from an employee then that employee is dispensable. He is done with that person and so he tosses them into the trash heap of human debris.
工作场所的自恋者常常见于极度自恋的老板身上。在他们身后，员工称呼其为混蛋老板，憎恨他们，而且完全不愿意取悦于他们。如果员工比老板更有才，那就一定要小心。自恋的老板对强过他们的人和能偷走他们光环的人感受到威胁。极端自恋者都非常没有安全感。只要员工能让老板看上去很好，那么老板就会需要他，团队也不能没有他。当自恋老板感到被威胁，或完全不相信某员工时，他就可以被抛弃了，老板会像扔垃圾一样开除他。
What should you do if you want to help a narcissistic friend snap out of it?
如何帮助自恋的朋友走出来?
It is questionable whether a true narcissist can really have a friend, unless that friend is an appendage or subservient person to the narcissist. Having an extreme narcissist as a “friend” is a dangerous relational sign. It says that the “friend” is weak and gets used. Can the “friend” help the narcissist to snap out of it? Not really. It is recommended to run for the hills and make friends with those who really care. Avoid narcissists. Narcissists die alone and miserable. Don’t’ let them take you with them.
值得怀疑自恋的人除了附属者之外，是否有真正的朋友。拥有极度自恋的朋友是一个关系上的危险信号，表示你是脆弱而且习惯于此的。那么你能否帮助自恋的朋友走出来呢？并不。我建议你还是离开他，与真正关心人的人们做朋友。避开自恋者，自恋者孤独的悲惨的死去，不要让他们拉你一起。
What can you do if you’re in a romantic relationship with a narcissist and you’re frustrated?
如果你正与一个自恋者发展关系，而且感到挫折，该怎么做呢？
Leave them. Narcissists are extremely toxic to your health. They will destroy you in time and leave a human wreckage behind. Your heart will get ripped out of you and fed to the pigs. Understand that an extreme narcissist is a severely sick person. Avoid at all costs.
离开。自恋者对你的健康极为有害，他们会很快地毁掉你，无视你的尸体继续往前，而你的心被野猪拽出来吃掉。要明白极端自恋者是严重病态的人，一定要不顾一切避开他们。
Can narcissism be “cured”?
自恋能否被“治愈”？
Maybe. It depends on the skills of the clinician. Most behavioral clinicians have difficulty knowing how to work with one. For an extreme narcissist to be “cured” he must want to heal and be willing to admit he is unhealthy. For most extreme narcissists, that is simply asking too much. For an extreme narcissist to want to change there must be a gigantic and earth-shattering series of events in their lives to break them of their grandiosity, extreme selfishness, entitlement, and self-righteousness.
可能，这取决于医生的技巧。大多数行为临床医生都不晓得如何治疗自恋者。极端自恋者想要被治愈，就必须要承认自己的病态，和想要健康的愿望。可是对大多数极端自恋者来说，这个要求太过分了。极端自恋者如果产生变化的愿望，那必须要经过一系列巨大的人生变革，破坏他们的自大、极端自私、权利和自以为是。
Should an extreme narcissist be willing to be helped, the clinician must be skilled enough to find the wounds of his inner soul, help heal them, and replace them with healthy self-images and patterns for relational dynamics. The only kind of extreme narcissist that can be cured is a broken one.
无论极端自恋者愿不愿意得到帮助，临床医生必须要有很好的技巧，才能发现他内心的伤害，进行疗愈，帮他们树立起健康的自我形象和互动关系模式。能够被治愈的极度自恋者只有一种----坏掉的那种。
