I used to be so shy that speaking to girls made me break out in a sweat. It was so bad that if I as much as opened my mouth to say, “Hi,” my vocal pitch went up several octaves. As you can imagine, this didn’t exactly help me woo the ladies

过去的我非常害羞，跟女孩子说话我都紧张到冒汗。非常糟糕的是，如果我尽量多开口向女孩子打招呼，在“嗨！”这个词的发音上，我的音调升高了好几个八度。可以想象，这无助于我追求女士。

My troubles were a symptom of a common problem shared by many guys like you: I wasn’t confident in myself. Know the feeling? Let’s give your confidence (and dating life) a helpful shove in the right direction. This is how to ask a girl out and get a yes (almost) every time.

我的麻烦正如许多人分享出来的共同问题，可能你也遇到过：我对自己不够自信，了解这种感觉吗？让我们在增强你的自信（以及你的约会生活）方面朝正确方向引导一下并助你一臂之力。

1. Ground Rules

基本规则

1) Your Posture Should Scream Confidence

摆正身姿增强自信

Most men guarantee a rejection before they even open their mouth because their appearance does not express confidence. Here are some simple cues to help you remember the do’s and don’ts of posture.

大部分男性甚至在开口约会之前就会被拒，因为他们的外在姿势表现得不够自信。下面一些简单的提示帮助你记住该摆的姿势和不该摆的姿势。

Do not: 不要

Stare at the ground  低头盯着地面看 Cross your legs/arms 胳膊/腿呈交叉姿势

Slump your shoulders 肩部向下耷拉 Fidget 坐立不安

Do: 要

Keep your chin up 仰首挺胸 Gaze forward 目视前方

Shoulders down and back 肩部向后挺直 Chest high 挺胸收腹

When in doubt, think about how much space you are taking up. Is it a lot, or a little? If you’re not taking up much space, it’s possible you are curled up in a sad little ball (which just doesn’t make you look confident). Take up as much space with your body as you can to reflect that you are comfortable in your body.

对自己的姿势不确定的时候，想想自己占了多大空间，占的空间大还是小？如果你占的空间不大，可能是你把自己缩成一团的状态（让你看起来显得不够自信）。你的身体尽量多占空间说明你的身体处于一种很舒服的状态.

2) The Clothes Make the Man

人靠衣装马靠鞍

No, you don’t have to be donned in a freshly tailored suit when you ask a girl out. But that doesn’t mean you should look like a slob either. Dress in whatever style fits your personality, but keep it classy. No wrinkled tees, dirty shoes, or other fashion disasters allowed. Don’t sweat the specifics, but whatever you do, dress like the handsome and polished fella you are.

不，你不必在与女孩约会时非得穿新的定制西装，但也不要穿得像个懒汉。穿适合自己个性风格的衣服又要保持优雅的穿衣风格。不能穿皱巴巴的T恤、脏兮兮的鞋子或其他毁掉时尚的衣服。不要刻意打扮，但无论你穿什么，都要把自己打扮得有英俊潇洒小伙子的范儿。

2. Gauging Interest

衡量兴趣

1) Engage Eye Contact

眼神接触

If a coffeehouse cutie catches your eye, shoot a few harmless glances in her direction. Linger for a brief moment before turning your attention elsewhere, but don’t voyage beyond the five second mark unless you want to be labeled a creeper. If she returns your gaze with a smile, this is a good sign that the feeling might be mutual.

如果咖啡馆美女吸引了你的眼球，朝她友好地瞄几眼，停留片刻多看几眼，但不要超出五秒，否则会被贴上一个大色狼的标签。如果她对你回眸一笑，这是个好兆头，这种感觉可能是相互的。

2) Do Not Confuse Kindness with Attraction

善良和吸引力不要混为一谈

Just because a woman smiles at or talks to you, does not mean she wants to take your friendship to the next level, so don’t get your hopes up without good reason. Not sure if a friend likes you or not? Ask her out and if she says, “What, like a date?” reply, “Yes!” without hesitation. Confidence is sexy (and even if she says, “No,” at least you’ll know for sure).

仅仅因为一位女性对你微笑或和你说话，并不代表她想要把你们的朋友关系发展到下一步，所以没有充分的理由不要抱太大的希望。如果不确定人家喜不喜欢你，那你就可以约她出来，如果她说，“怎么，是约会的那种么？”你就不要犹豫回答：“是的！”自信是很性感的（即使她拒绝，至少你会得到确定性的答复）。

3. The Approach

方法很重要

1) Keep It Simple

尽量简单

Don’t try to be funny and forget about impressing her. Women are attracted to men who are confident in their own skin, so bending over backwards in an attempt to “wow” a woman will probably just make her think you are trying too hard. Take a few deep breaths, think to yourself, “No big deal,” confidently walk up to her, and say, “Hi.” For bonus points, find something about her to compliment (maybe she has a neat tattoo, an expressive smile, or a witty t-shirt?).

别光顾着搞笑而忘了给她留下深刻印象。女性会被对自己外表自信的男士吸引，所以拼命去“追求”讨好她，只会让她认为你用力太猛。深呼吸对自己说：“没什么大不了的，”自信地走向她并向她打招呼，找她身上的优点去赞美一下（也许她有整洁的纹身、微笑的表情或是诙谐的T恤）。

2) Does Popping the Question Sound Terrifying?

提出邀约听起来可怕吗？

If you’re worried about appearing nervous, let’s make your approach as quick-and-painless as possible. March up to her and say something like, “Hello! I know this is a bit random, but I just wanted to say you caught my eye. I’m running late for a meeting/work/class/(you get the idea), but I’d love to get your phone number if that’s okay?”

如果你担心自己表现出紧张的状态，尽量给自己找个快速无痛的方法。接近她对她说些类似：“你好！我知道这样有些唐突，但我只想说你吸引了我的眼球。我赶着去开会/工作/上课快迟到了（你懂的），但我想知道你的电话号码，告诉我好吗？”

4. The Big Night

约会之夜

1) Don’t Take a Sporty Woman to the Opera

不要带一个爱运动的女人去看歌剧演出

Did she say yes? Sweet! Let’s get ready for your date. Do some homework before the Big Night arrives. Ask her about things like favorite movies, sports, musical genres, and hobbies. This way, you can disguise your detective work as small-talk and surprise her with a perfect night out that fits her interests.

她同意约会了吗？不错！让我们准备好开始约会吧。在约会之夜到来之前做做功课，问她关于诸如最喜欢的电影、的体育项目、听的音乐流派以及兴趣爱好。你可以用聊天的方式来掩饰你的“侦探”工作，根据她的兴趣爱好趁约会之夜给她一个惊喜。

2) Are You Listening, Ogling, or Waiting for Your Turn to Speak?

你在倾听？抛媚眼？还是在等着轮到你开口说话？

Keep your eyes on her eyes when she speaks, and REALLY listen to her! Listen actively, smiling and nodding in the appropriate places, and be ready with follow-up questions that show her how thoughtful you are. First impressions are huge, so don’t blow it.

她说话时要双目对视。并且要真正倾听她说话！积极倾听说话内容并适当伴有微笑和点头的动作，还要准备随后就谈话内容问问题，这表示你有多体贴她。印象很重要，所以你别搞砸了。

5. Post-Date

约会结束后

No Mind Games Allowed

不要玩猜心游戏

There is no “best time” to text or call after a date, so stop over-analyzing it. If she likes you, she will be more than happy to hear from you, no matter when that might be (Note: if the first date was a Grand Slam, you’d be wise to say, “Hi,” the following day and schedule a follow-up date ASAP because momentum is your friend). The only rule? Don’t be clingy. Confidence is hot, so keep calm and cool.

约会后没有所谓的发短信或打电话的“时间”，所以不要在这个问题上过度分析。如果她喜欢你，可能她无论什么时候听到你的声音都很开心（注意：如果次约会成功，你要聪明点主动给她发短信或打电话，趁着这个势头第二天或尽快再安排一次约会）。至于的规则呢？就是不要太粘人就可以。对热恋充满信心，所以要保持沉着冷静的态度。