阅读量:
学生在正文写了如下一句话:
In Kuala Lumpur, incineration occupy the largest percentage of total waste. The figures of other way are no more than 25%.
※ 首先,乍一看这个句子我们会发现诸如动词三单的小错,但细细一读句子就能察觉到更大的问题是句子的逻辑不合理:incineration occupies the percentage of waste? 焚化显然是没法“占据”废弃垃圾的一部分,所以大家看,当数据以百分数来表示时,occupy不是可以随意使用的哦。
※ 此外,两个独立句子之间的逻辑关系体现不明显,教师判断考生可能想对比两组数据:55% VS. less than 25
教师修改后如下:
In Kuala Lumpur, incineration is most intensively used with 55% of waste disposed of in this way, and this lion’s share is in violent contrast with how much the other three ways deal with (7% to 22%).
※ 连词and合并句子,两组数据之间的对比关系体现在be in violent contrast with;
※ 同时,我们使用了一些表程度概念的措辞来体现“make comparisons where relevant”这一写作任务,如most intensively used, lion’s share, in violent contrast,凸显一组数据之大、另一组之小;
※ 替换表述方式也是大家需要思考的一点,如incineration occupies the largest proportion=incineration is the most intensively used method of waste disposal
3分钟过去了,你学会了吗?