TASK 1

　　The diagram below shows how apple is canned.

　　Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

　　「Rephrasing」

　　The flow chart is an illustration of how the fruit can is produced.

「Main Body 1」

 [鉴于可能字数不够，索性句话就“废”话=信息的进展节奏被我故意拉慢]  To make fruit cans, the raw material – the fresh fruit – is the necessity. // Picked from trees by farmers with hand, apples are instantly transported to the cannery, where they are cleansed. <先前的一整个句子所表达的含义被我浓缩成了一个单词概括进入下一个句子作为下句的开始=这种写作手法叫顶针> Then, the quality of the clean fruits will be scrutinized, after which + the qualified apples can bepreserved at a rather low temperature while the disqualifiedones are disposed. Afterwards, the <同上，这种写作手法叫顶针> stored fruits will be classified into different categories according to their weight. <这句话的确不好，但是放在文中很保险，至少不会导致文章under-length> Till now, all the preparatory procedures have been accomplished. à 有没有注意到本段的绿色部分的信息其实都是笔者的信息“留白”？没有这些，流程图的字数其实是很难保证的。

「Main Body 2」

<注意本段落中的符号标记所体现出来的步骤之间的指代关系> Here comes the next step of peeling the apples, which is followed by +removing the cores and then cutting the pulp into pieces. Subsequently, the sliced products will be canned into bottles that will immediately be sealed tightly. Then, the sealed products, with raw flesh contained, are cooked and meanwhile disinfected, waiting to be labelled. // → <最后一步啦：封存与派遣阶段> After + being reserved for some time, the fruit cans are available to be delivered to different terminus.

　　「Overview」

　　Overall, the production of fruit can is relatively complex, including more than ten steps in all.

　　本文亮点：

　　Ø 在必要的动词处动手脚；

　　Ø 学会拉紧步骤与步骤间的紧密性。

TASK 2

　　With the increasing demand for energy sources of oil and gas, people should look for sources of oil and gas in remote and natural places. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages of damaging such areas?

「Introduction」

Worldwide, energy crisis hinders the economic advances. Naturally, some deem that mankind should explore the gas and oil in isolated and untapped regions. I personally reckon that the benefits are fardwarfed by the according drawbacks. → 措辞不过度，不装X，只在必要的核心谓语动词处挑高。

「Main Body - 1」

<各位应该已经对这种段落的纵向展开模式习以为常了>→ Of the variousadvantages, the most immediate one is that the exploration can help ease the tension of energy shortage. More precisely, such actioninjects new life into the development of heavy industries in mega-cities, thus boosting the economic vibrancy. <线性思维的立场照顾，也不要忘记再多说两句开发的好> Meanwhile, it provides more job opportunities for the local inhabitants, moderately enhancing their life quality.

「Main Body - 2」

<篇幅差不多了，抓紧转折一下>→ However, this is only an incomplete part of the whole picture. <短暂的转折过后，我们再次熟悉一下这种段落的纵向展开模式> By this I mean, such action can inevitably wreak havoc on <固搭也具有动感含义，使文章增色不少> the local environment, thusjeopardizing the sound survival of the local flora and fauna.→ <引出例证的措辞也不必那么拘谨约束呀，住而已这里的this的指代关系> This can be further illustrated by the observation that due to the large-scale and non-stop exploitation of gas fields in Tibet, the rare Tibetan wolves are driven to migrate from their natural habitats, thus facing the risk of extinction. → In the long run, the whole ecological balance and bio-diversity will also be heavilyimpacted. //<weaker argument>Another demerit is that/ it can lead to a gloomy prospect economically. (被强调部分很长，但是务必要清晰)It is owing to the complex geographical conditions, safety hazards, and the lack of infrastructure that governments have to allot more budgets to ensure that such plan can be implemented successfully. In this sense, with the revenues unchanged, the increased cost means the profit shrinks accordingly.

「Conclusion」

At this point, the conclusion is crystal-clear. The upsides derived from such exploitation, compared with the downsides, are quitemarginal. → 还是那句话，措辞不过度，flat language is more desired.

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